Timeline

I always thought I would have a timeline, but as I now see -- that is not an option.

Some days are better than others and some days are purely awful. I had this "timeline" and my head and I lost all of that and I don't know what "timeline" I should have now. I still don't have what I thought I would have. No baby and yet no pregnancy that will result in bringing a baby home just yet.

Allen had previously said that he didn't want to be "old" when we had a child...Well, he is sadly mistaken...he is going to be what he considers "old" by the time we have a child (I am being optimistic - I know one day we'll have a little one to care for).

I am big planner -- and well, I have been shown that I need throw plans out the door, because what I had timed in my head isn't what God has planned and timed for us.

I need to look forward and continue with that....and shove the timeline out the door.

I am no longer looking at the "closed" area -- I am looking forward to what doors will open for us. One day, we'll get there...

I am still amazed at how quickly time seems to "slip" by...

I received a message from a friend - it was a "Thought for today"...This is something I do all time...I worry about "tomorrow" not really today...

“You can only live for Today. Stop worrying about Tomorrow”. - Geneva Matthews

This prompted me to think about this poem I had found right after I lost Kaycee...

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME.

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand

And said my place was ready, in heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For my life had not long started, and I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, so much to learn and do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the times to come, the good one's and the bad,
I thought of all the love we'd share, it made me feel so sad.

If I could spend just one day, or even a little while,
I'd tell you how I love you, and I'd show you my big smile.
But then I fully realized, that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home,
When God looked down and smiled at me, upon his golden throne.

"This is eternity he said, and all I've promised you,
Today for life on earth is passed, but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past.


My child you was too special, I had to set you free,
So won't you take loving hand, and share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me, mummy don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.